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At the beginning of the year I was so weak and depressed I really didn’t see any point in living. Life, to me was pointless struggle. Instead of centering my attention on the positive and beautiful aspects of life, I was stuck in an abyss with no light… Everything to me was dreadful, I’d see the negatives in others and get annoyed as fuck. I’d sit here at night and drown in endless thinking, asking a million questions and being miserable. It’s safe to say I was an emotional cripple. Someone who was dying just to have someone else there to show me affection and shelter me. In other words, the foundation of my happiness if there was any at that, depended on something or someone else. (Materialism or a Lover) It’s why I always stressed finding “love,” and my meaning to life was to share it with someone else.
I am a stronger person now. I don’t fucking need anyone. I’m not insecure anymore. I don’t focus on the flaws of others but rather what’s good about them. I consume positivity and great ideas from everyone and everything. I see the beauty life has to offer. Every time I step outside of my door I acknowledge the beauty of nature, of people, of architecture. I have goals, ambition. What I want to accomplish, what I’m capable of, what I haven’t even encountered yet. There’s a whole fucking world out there, cities, art, music, women. It isn’t rational to be sad for long periods of time about the stupidest shit. About some guy or girl who you’ve been going out for a month with that broke up with you, or if you’re a tad bit over weight, or if you were embarrassed at school. Fuck that, that’s nothing in comparison to the possibilities that this planet has for you.
For the most part, a lot of us are provided with food and shelter. You’ve obviously got a laptop if you’re on this shit too. We have everything necessary to survive, we are taught at school and attain knowledge. Read a damn book, consume as much knowledge as you fucking can. Become great, innovate. Exercise, make something of yourself. Expand your horizons. We are capable of so much.
I got tired of being sad, I came to my senses and became a stronger person. I’ll be graduating June 18th and will be attending a 4yr University. I have the world ahead of me.
by the time I’m 50, or better yet by the time I’m on my death bed I’m going to be overwhelmed with knowledge, it’s fucking crazy lol
I feel as though I know how to manage my depression way better now, now that I’ve legitimately got a psychologist and I’ve learned a lot of methods. Anyway, where’s the coffee at!??
If my Dad sends me to community college instead of the university I want to go to just because I’ve smoked Marijuana I will legitimately do something stupid.
I feel as if no matter how hard you try, life will always manage to fuck you over. You can be the most genuine benevolent figure there is, people won’t care. People care about themselves, generally speaking no one’s interested in putting someone else before themselves. To merely worry and constantly think about you and what you mean to them because usually, usually you’re nothing to anyone and that’s just sad.
they’re held to such higher standards than men… I think it’s all complete and utter bullshit. I mean, I don’t mind the standards they’re expected to uphold but I think men should be held to those standards as well…. I HATE double standards.
Guess it’s apart of growing up. I’ve had so many expectations, for things to be a certain way. After being disappointed for so long, you slowly begin to change. Your philosophy, your perception, it’s just a matter of adaptation. I just hope I can meet people that change these things for the better, soon.
Someone come touch my hair and give me a massage
lonely life lol
why I haven’t had sex yet… I mean, believe it or not someone like myself always thought it out as being more of a traditional sorta thing… Get into a relationship with girl, then.., some notebook shit.. Apparently it’s just not like that anymore… Growing older, during this evolution I began to realize this… And so it’s just sort of awkward for me, to think that you hook up with a girl a few times and just pursue the sex.. Which there may not be anything wrong with that, it’s just not natural for me. I guess when I decide to start taking risk and getting out of my comfort zone I’ll learn to adapt and get over this shy ass phase.
what peoples intentions are these days. If they have a specific purpose, if they knowingly do all of the horrible things they do and if they even give two shits. All I know is I’ve been driven to the edge over-thinking hundreds of different scenarios of what I should do and how I wish things would be. It’s confusing as hell…. I’m not really sure what I want, all I know is I’m not in the current state I’d like to be in.
Your life can be shaped in a million different ways. One move can create a path, or two, or three, it’s endless. If only we’d take more risk, if only we weren’t controlled by the emotions that repress our ability to take action. I can’t stop stressing how short life is, how I just need to do and to stop thinking about each move so much.
